Your · Artemis

but i am. it's just... something about today. i'm feeling overemotional.
i think it was talking to Dutchie this morning. i've missed that girl so much. i hadn't even really realised it until we were talking, and i just wanted to give her a big hug. she's probably, aside from Chris, my best friend in the world. after a mere nine months, and no offense guys if you're reading this - but she's become my sister, in a way. i've never had such a connection with another woman. we're so similar, and yet different. she always knows exactly what to say, and understands me without me even explaining. i don't know how to describe it, but i know i've never had a friend like her. these past 5 weeks without her have been really really tough. i know i talk alot in here about Chris, but it's all of my exchange friends that i've been missing, especially her. not a day goes by when i don't think of them, and what each of them are doing. we talked for five hours. five hours. on Skype. that's quite a mission. if it weren't 9pm her time and i didn't have to go to work, we could've continued. she and Lauren are the nearest i get to people who can truly empathise. neither left boyfriends, but Lauren knows what it's like to come back to Canada, so far away, and Dutchie knows what it's like to miss our particular corridor. we talked about all sorts of things, and laughed, and cried. it was fantastic, and exactly what i needed. it's been awhile since Chris and i have both been free to talk, so i was really looking forward to some quality Ellen time. she's busy with her undergrad dissertation till September, at which point she starts her MA, so our talks will probably remain infrequent, but we'll email quite a bit. i'm not going to lose her, my Dutchie!
anyway, i walked to work in the rain, and i checked out next week's schedule. turns out i'm working 3:30 till close on my birthday. i don't normally work Mondays, so i didn't think to book it off, also - i didn't plan anything with friends. but still. i won't see my parents at all that day, which means doing the whole cake/presents another day. and talking to Chris will be difficult too. by the time he gets home from work, it'll be time for me to leave. he gave me my gift before i left and made me swear not to open it till August 10th. i'm dying to know what it is, and really want to open it in front of him, even if only over Skype. i don't know... like i said, i hadn't planned anything for my 21st, am not exactly excited about it, but... at least having a bit of a relaxing day would've been nice. as it is, i need the money!
work was alright, aside from getting sent home early. i found another person there i really enjoy working with, so that was a nice surprise. we had this crazy/creepy lady in too... mass drama. oh, and i bumped into Aaron! my dream-team partner from last year? that was fortunate. he's at Bronte again this summer. i wish i were still there with him and Jess. turns out they're doing a Deer Walk program on Tuesday nights, so i go along on the 18th, and do coffee later. hope so!
no idea what we're up to tomorrow. Valerie's home for good (till September, anyway) next Thursday, so we're doing her birthday thing then. she had an exam today, can you believe it? poor kid. and she's got another big one Monday, so she couldn't even do the "OMG i'm 19 let's get wasted!!1!" thing tonight, ha. i work tomorrow at 3:30, till close. mainly, Chris and i have got a proper massive Skype talk planned for 11am/4pm.
i cannot wait. this past week, for some reason, has been well hard without him, i'm not sure why. i'm just feeling the distance more. all these times i wish i could say "i love you" in person, you know? tell him the little things that happen, get a hug when i'm down, listen to his rants and ravings about food, run my hands through his hair... my birthday marks the halfway point between when i left and when he visits. it feels as though we've been apart for months. it sounds kind of cheesy, i guess, but before i left i made him wear one of his t-shirts for a week. well, not when it was really humid/sweaty and he went topless, or when he was at American football, or we dressed up posh, you get the idea. i wanted to take something with me that was really his, you know? as close to being him as possible. and t-shirts are great like that. it would smell like him, i could wrap it around me, etc. (i swear, i'm not the only crazy woman who does this.) i felt kinda bad about stealing one of his tops, so i bought him one to replace it with. anyway, he wore it, i tied up in a carrier bag, and packed it up. it's still in my suitcase, hasn't been opened yet. i've been good about it, i don't want to open it too soon you know? i know the scent can fade quickly, and i want to wait till i'm really missing him. there've been some days, nights really, when i wanted to crack but i've found some other way to comfort myself. i think that's good, actually, forcing myself to get distracted or find other ways to fall asleep. but lately... it's been really hard. i figured if i could make it to my birthday without tearing the bag open and inhaling, haha, i could make it the other half till he visits. i'm so, so tempted, too tempted, to take it out now. i hate not being with him.
i told Dutchie that the day i left was so horrible, it was without a doubt the most heartbreakingly difficult day of my life - i will not and can not do it again. after this year, i am gone. i am getting back there.

in all fairness, nothing of any great magnitude has happened. i don't find myself feeling the urge to write in here as often as i once did, which is quite strange.
my birthday's in a few days. for the first time for as long as i can remember, i'm not that excited. i was a hundred times more anxious for February 10th of this year than August 10th, haha. i have no plans, aside from unwrapping some gifts from my parents, i suppose. it's a Monday, so i'm presuming i'll wait until they get home to do that. Chris sent me post last week, and inside i found two letters - one for my birthday, and one for our anniversary (the month after). i love him to pieces, but the agony of not reading them right away nearly killed me. also, i've still got his gift. on my last night in the UK he gave it to me, under the condtion that i would not open it until my twenty-first birthday. i'm massively excited about that. so no, there's not much else going on. i don't know. should i be sad that i'm not sad about this? somehow it feels as though anything after that incredible week of mine and Dutchie's half-birthdays, nothing else could be as great anyway.
in other news, in light of my upcoming birthday, Mom and i decided to look more seriously into the idea of me getting my German passport. i have legal access to it, as at the time of my birth, not just one, but both of my parents were German citizens. i thought about this, as i was applying for my study visa for the exchange, but it wouldn't made too much of a difference. however, when (and it is a "when") i leave to study in England again next year, i will be counted as a member of the EU, and will thus be eligible for lower tuition costs and more scholarships, yay! definitely worth it then. i phoned the Consulate in Toronto, and found out what i have to do. then Mom and i spent a good couple of hours digging through all our drawers and folders and fireproof boxes to find the documentation i need. turns out, Germans are a pain in the arse. who'd've guessed it? they want every piece of paper, i swear. parents' birth certificates, parents' passports at the time of my birth, marriage licenses, my "long" birth certificate (which i have to order specially, complete with like, the address of my mom at the time of my birth and my dad's favourite kind of German sausage), etc etc. i think i have to prove that i have some understanding of the German language too. and that's not even counting the biometric stuff! turns out, pretty much the only way you can obtain German citizenship is if one of your parents had it. even if  you were born in Germany, you don't get it unless your parents are citizens. for immigrants, they have to be in the country for like, 10+ years before they're even considered. Germans don't believe in dual citizenship (hence Dad's landed immigrant status in Canada) but as i was "naturalized" as a Canadian, and didn't specifically apply for citizenship here, i can still get my German one. gah, what a mess. so basically, after i dig up some super old passports and send away for my birth certificate and get a new photo taken - i will have to wait 7-8 weeks and i'll officially have dual citizenship. weirddd.
Mom, Dad and i went to Crawford Lake for a late walk last night. god, i'd forgotten how pretty it was. strangely enough, the Iroquoian Village was under construction, haha. we saw lots of fish and frogs, and on our way out - we spotted a striped tail sticking out of a garbage bin! there was a momma raccoon pulling out trash for her four babies. awwww. took loads of photos. i wanted to cuddle them to bits. and on the drive home, we saw the most beautiful moon, just peeking out from above some clouds.
new icon by elfengarden. it's a lot more summery than the weather. i need to see Mamma Mia! again soon. i remember last seeing it with Anna, Harriet, and Ellen, singing aloud and laughing at Pierce Brosnan. good times.
also: John Hughes? oh my!

the family was down today. first time i'd seen them since being back. Omi, Tante Chris, Onkel Bart, Eva, Brahm, Onkel Ralph, and Dana. Louise had work, and Logan? dunno. he's sixteen. Dana just got back last weekend from Alert, Nunavut, and was in Kingston for a bit, at the army base there. she met her boyfriend's parents yesterday in Toronto, and as of tomorrow, she and her sister have to start packing for their venture to Central America. goodness.
anyway, i was quite disappointed in the lot of them. they were here, collectively, for a total of 4hrs. that's nothing for my family. i remember the days of monthly stayover visits. i hardly got a chance to talk to them properly, and though the food was delicious, it kinda distracted from conversation. i don't know. not too great, especially considering how high Mom's stress levels had been before they got here. not really worth it.
Williams, as you may or may not know, has been really dead of late. every night shift i work, it seems like there's hardly anyone coming in, compared to the mad rushes i was once used to. while that meant that last night my TL had to send three people home at 10 (seriously, everything was clean) as opposed to midnight. i was quite upset, because i really need the money. but it worked out okay, because David and i stayed out in a park chatting until midnight anyway. David Pynkowski went to Bateman with me, three years younger, just graduated, and i worked at Williams once with him too. basically, he's a fantastic guy. we talked about all sorts: my exchange, his upcoming foray into Carleton, cooking, men, French cinema, etc. so lovely to reconnect.
i just received the most beautiful email from Christoph. he was out with friends in Sidmouth last night, and caught up nicely with dear Arthur. and today, he was at his friend's mum's annual garden party. lots of fun, by the sounds of it. he writes so descriptively, i wish i were there to even witness it in real life. he's emailed Lee, who seems desperately bored in little Port Talbot, Wales. most of the guy's friends have moved out, there aren't any jobs left in the tiny steel mining town, so he's thinking of travelling a bit to Belgium and Holland. ohhh, he might meet up with my Dutchie! mad jealousy. Chris loves me, kids. he really does. i can feel it with every word he writes. he isn't corny or cheesy, yet he manages to convey so much emotion. he does shocking things, like call me "captivating" haha, and it makes me smile.
on another note - what on earth is with this weather?! all week, it's been murky and grey. we've had more thunderstorms in the past two days than i can care to count. and if the sky appears blue for even a minute, it's soon covered up with more clouds. i love it, but honestly! very strange. the forecast isn't promising any change either. i'm awfully disappointed with my Canadian summer so far. if anyone dares again to make a crack about British weather, they're gonna get a kick. since i've been back, it hasn't been over 30 degrees once. it's barely humid, i haven't gone in the pool, and i'm wondering where the sun is hiding. i'm not a summer person, it's true, but i was not expecting this! yes, i'm pretty sure that my Yorkies are having a nicer summer than we are here.

it was the flowers, it was the handwritten song, it was every single hug.
i think it's safe to say that this weekend was one of the most difficult for me to endure in a very, very long time. (well... maybe not as difficult as those dark days after Danilo and i broke up, but it was damned tough.)
Friday night was in Toronto: Nic, Dora, Jo, Marybeth, Novak, Danilo, Marko, Rob, Robynn, Brian. there were a few others there, but those were the ones i had to say goodbye to. Mom always says that my heart is too big, that it tries to accomodate so many people. the thing about having such a big heart is that it can break into so many more pieces, but that you can also care for people so much more. saying goodbye to Novak was way harder than i thought it'd be. i've become more attached to him than i thought i would, and i'll miss having him around. he's one of a kind, and i'm glad that, as he says wryly, "We'll always have Facebook." if i didn't want to look nice for the rest of the evening (he left earlier) i would've given in and just let the tears stream down my face. he knew i wanted to. ohh, he knew. i did truly enjoy myself that evening though. i didn't get too drunk, but it was nicer, i felt more grounded. i liked having everyone around me. one thing that was hard was realizing that there's still lots to learn about certain people (Marko, Jo, etc.) and i may never get the opportunity to get to know them better. at the very end of the night, Robynn drove us back to Dora's. i didn't want to get out of the van because i knew what was coming. i couldn't face saying goodbye, but Marybeth was looking at me, kind of telling me that it was time. i think i hugged her at least half a dozen times. without me even realizing it she's become such a close friend. she's one of the few i don't worry about losing, or worry about our relationship changing. saying bye to Robynn was tough too, but i know i'll be okay without her, i know she'll be around as much as she ever was. but as if i weren't upset enough after Marybeth, i then had to turn around and say goodbye to Danilo. the guy was drunker than i think i've ever seen him. i'm not sure why. maybe it's kind of like how i became ridiculously drunk the night Dave left? either way, i doubt Danilo even remembers saying bye. knowing this made me a little less satisfied, made this feel like an inadequate farewell - but maybe that's only typical. maybe that's the only way it could've turned out. all i know is that i didn't want to let him go. after everything that's happened, after everything he's done or not done or whatever... i can't help caring about him. i can't help feeling as if i was leaving behind one of the most important people in my life. seeing them drive off made me feel so alone.
Saturday night was not much more fun. well, that's not true. with Dee, Jordan, Graeme, Sarah, and Dave - it's never not fun. we had a blast and i laughed like crazy. we made many more memories to add to my collection, and i'm happy we could relax and be mischevious one more time together. we can do the simplest things, and it'll still be awesome. that's the magic of us, of being so comfortable with each other and who we each are. i thought it would be hard to hang on to this bunch, and while things've changed since high school - we're still together, i still look forward to going out with them every time. so while saying goodbye to them at the end of the night, knowing that i won't get to hug any of them for so long was devastating - i trust that we will pull through. they're keepers, right Dee?
and today? my family came down for a last visit. i had a great time with my cousins (though Dana is in Montréal) and Valerie too. it was nothing too fancy, too overwhelming. just a lot of good conversation with my aunt, uncles, and grandmother. i squeezed little Brahm and Eva a lot (the Leupens are visiting me this year!). it was kind of weird knowing that they're all going to be seeing each other as soon as next weekend, for Thanksgiving. it's the first holiday i'm going to be away from, and i'll be thinking of them. as they were leaving, i was actually doing okay crying-wise, but then Tante Chris came up to me with tears in her eyes and i couldn't help starting too. they're family though, and i know i will always have them around. this helps.
when Val left this evening, i actually didn't cry at all. i'm going to miss the pain-in-the-arse a lot (don't tell her) but i know we'll keep in pretty good touch. she's my sister, right? even if i fight with her half the time, we're stuck with each other. she's having her own adventure this year, and i want to start mine.
i always knew this weekend would suck. Nikki and her kids came by, and Sharon (Mom and Dad's friend/Mom's coworker's wife/the most kind-hearted woman on the planet) phoned to have a long talk too. basically the only ones left now are Mom, Dad, and maybe Viv. i can't wrap my head around the fact that i have three more nights at home. but you know what's harder to accept than that? the fact that i will not see, will not physically see or touch, most of the people i love so dearly until next summer. July, can you believe it? it seems as if summer just ended, yet that's how long i'm going to have to wait. heat, pools, summer jobs, long days, barbecues, and birthdays. when all these things return, that's when i'll be home again.
saying goodbye this weekend, i wasn't sure i could ever figure out how to say to my friends and family the depths to which i love and appreciate them. you see, it's not like i think i'm going to lose everyone, no, it's more like i know the relationships will never be the same, i know how much people can change and i'm mourning the loss of how perfect everything is right now. do you see Rose's expression in this userpic (windsong_icons)? this sublimely beautiful userpic which will stay on my journal for a long time to come? do you see how stricken she is? (admittedly, it helps to've seen this scene) well, that's kind of how i feel. it's as if everything i've lived my life for is leaving. but what my friends have taught me in these past few days is that in the end, the truest and most honest thing for me to tell them is what i whispered in Danilo's ear: "You already know everything I want to say."
love yous!

or, why i'm not ready for kids yet.
last night after he helped me book my flight, my dad went up to his computer. about half an hour later, he calls me in, "Do you want to see what your dad's past life was like?" i agreed, expecting to see some wild German army photos or snapshots from his days playing soccer on the chemistry/nerd team at Western or some old photos of him and Mom vacationing in Portugal in the VW bus. (yes, i too love my dad's life) what i did not expect, was anything i was already familiar with, ie. something i was around to witness.
no, what i saw instead was a simple Excel spreadsheet. it dates back to 1996, and was over 500 lines long. let me preface an explanation by saying that my dad, like his dad, and like me - is a huge organizational freak. writes everything down, loves charts, etc. in his trusty Excel, he marks down how many km/L the cars clock everytime he's gassed up, all their Visa spendings, and - as it turns out - his Aeroplan miles. what i saw in front of me was a list of every single flight/vacation/business trip my dad has taken in twelve years. "twelve" is emphasized because that's only what i saw. i know for a fact he's been travelling long before then, and not just on business. heck, the spreadsheet's top line showed him starting with 54,000+ Aeroplan miles and he only got the card in his thirties.
anyway, what i saw was incredible. Dad's been to every habitable continent (sorry Antarctica). he used to work for a company that made bomb and drug detectors, and he got to travel around the globe selling them. he wasn't a salesperson though, because he helped develop/design them and was one of the few who could explain how they worked, haha. he earned at one point more than 1,000,000 miles. he even got more than 25,000 points/miles in three months. Ankara, Beirut, Cairo, Düsseldorf... Milwaukee, New Delhi, Osaka... Zürich. and the list goes on, it's vastly international and awe-inspiring, but at times, hilariously uncool. Tel Aviv was one of the most commonly listed ones. when i was a kid, my dad was often away to Israel. the '90s were bad time for that country; i remember Mom always being afraid whenever she heard of a civilian death on the news. one of the main reasons i was always a pretty well-travelled kid is because he would bring us with, from time to time. he'd take Mom too. i mean heck, with all those airmiles, why not, right? it was amazing.
other point: if this is what one, middle-aged man can fly (one who didn't even travel as much as many businessmen do) - no wonder our environment's in so much trouble. can you say "air pollution"?! i mean, i can't blame him for it. i dare not. due to his mad flying helped earn an income, and i got to accompany him on some pretty awesome trips. but still... poor Mother Earth.
thing is, Dad got it right. i don't remember him being away too much. he never missed birthdays or Christmas, and if he was gone for long - he wrote. we got to see photos and slides(!) when he returned, and he always brought souvenirs. more than that - looking back, i realize that he spread it out. he was never gone all that often in the time he had that job. but i don't know... i guess it wasn't good enough for him. he loved his coworkers and loved travelling, but lost his love for the work - and he came home.
so looking at this chart, yeah, it was a little sad. it was defintely a "previous" life. he and Mom still travel, sure, but not nearly as frequently as they did (especially in their crazy twenties in Europe!) and i think they miss it. there was our trip down the west coast, there was Amelia Island, there was Germany and Austria and Israel and their trip down the east coast. next year, for their third honeymoon (yes, third) they want to go to Greece, a place where, surprisingly, neither have yet gone. i hope they do it.
the best part? what i'm proud of: he was telling me all this, showing me this, with only the faintest twinge of melancholia. more nostalgic than anything else. he's accepted that his life can't be like this anymore, and doesn't expect it to be. he's given it all up, and though there's still a lot to see (so he says, i can't help thinking he's done most of it, haha) he's satisfied with spending more time at home.
i don't know... i guess, looking at that chart going on and on and on, and thinking about all the photos i've seen and stories i've heard from Mom, i shouldn't be surprised that i'm antsy to go to England. no wonder i've got a map up with pins in it. no wonder i jumped at the chance to see L'auberge espagnole the other night (sans sous-titres!) for the umpteenth time. for gods' sakes, it's in my blood.
Mom may be right. maybe i won't come back, hahaha. we'll see. love yous!

ps* new icon by graphixfix, gotta love French cinema with its with to-die-for soundtracks.

Greg is writing a film script and wants me to edit it when he's done. i was also just invited by Geoff to his, Dave (Andrews) and Tapp's housewarming party. oh, first year, how i miss thee.
in other news... i'm in love with my dental hygienist. his name is Will, and though he's been around for years, today he was awesome. first of all - he's been to York. he almost fell off the city's wall. for those of you who don't know - York is one of the only places in Britain left that still has its medieval wall surrounding the town. they often do ghost walks up around there, and he nearly fell off. i laughed at him for this, and suddenly it was like we were best friends. he was telling me all about how his family originates from a small village outside there and about his adventures there going to learn about his history. we also talked about my studies, cottages, and scars. generally i find dentist's appointments to be quite mundane, but today was fun. i like people with a sense of humour!
stopped by Wal-Mart to pick up my developed photos. aside from those from my birthday, i finally got around to sending in my film from February. these ones are the first to be posted on Facebook, as they're pretty good shots and will remind Glendonites of funny moments. the other films turned out pretty well, except my dear friends need to learn how to use a flash. and learn to remove their fingers from the view of the lens, haha. i don't know, of the 130 or so photos i received, i'd say at least 110 are fantastic. they make me happy.
it's the first day of school for Glendon tomorrow. they're all in bed, tucked away. at least, i'd like to think so. in reality, i know for a fact many of them are out partying it up - celebrating their last night of freedom, and for many - their last night of frosh too. i'll bet The Unicorn is going wild. would not like to be Don-on-Duty tonight, haha.
missed a phone call from Louise tonight. tomorrow's her first day back too. every year in London around this time, there's the Western Fair. this typical livestock/kiddie rides/cotton candy/truck show/concert mayhem. it's cheesy, but it's good fun, and everyone in town goes. Louise invited me to a Roadhammers' concert a few years ago, and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. this year, the headlining band is Great Big Sea, and i've got a chance to see them too! what do you think, darlings?
i'm going into Toronto on Friday for my visa appointment, and afterwards i'm meeting Hetal! it's about freaking time. i may be stopping by Marybeth's to sell her my English textbooks of old. (good riddance.) it'll be a Friday night in Toronto, and wherever Hetal is, trouble isn't far behind. should be great.
as long as it's Friday, haha, not now. i'm feeling a little ill. you know that stuffy, achy, warm-throated, goosebumpy feeling you get before a sickness is coming? i've got that. off to bed it is. love yous!

she's going to kill me if she sees this, but i had to share:
"... i have way too much space to put stuff, my room is actually depressingly empty looking on the clothes front. my don is nice and we haven't had to do too many embarassing things. we've done some V1 first years stuff together, like 2000 of us. it was a lot of linking arms and running around and yelling, it was so hilarious and awkward... but i made some cool buds."
cool buds eh? haha. honestly Valerie. goodness knows frosh week wasn't my favourite time at Glendon, but i do have some funny memories of linking arms and yelling too.
i hope she's having lots of fun and making new friends. she needs to improver her social skills. apparently most of her neighbours are girls, poor kid. they are all engineers, which seems to be an upside. in classically blunt form, she says, "the whores seem to be in arts and science, and live upstairs. the engineering boys appreciate them." oh my. i even point out the fact that her own sister is an artsy, haha. she's rude but she's mine, what can i say? 
i don't miss her yet. give it a week or so and i'll want to joke around with her a bit. this time apart is no doubt doing wonders for our relationship, haha. love yous!

much to talk about, and i don't want to forget any of it. skip to the parts which interest you, haha.
family
Val's moving out tomorrow! as Kelly said, i'll be an only child again. weird thought. i'm going to miss her, huge pain-in-the-ass that she is. i have no idea how she'll handle her newfound independence. on the one hand, i can picture her being totally reckless and getting caught up in everything, and in another i can only see her acting as she always does: aloof and isolated, cooler than everyone else. Mom and Dad are driving her there so they can help her with internet connections, frosh prep, etc. i remember my first week in res so clearly. all the stupid (and fun) things i did... odd to think that i'll be participating in "fresher's week" this year too! anyway, with Val gone alot of the tension in our household should dissipate too. (or focus on me, whatever.) things will definitely be interesting as my parents slowly come to term with their new position as empty nesters. we did everything Valerie wanted tonight, including eating meat fondue and watching Sydney White, this totally dorky (borderline "cute" dorky) movie. it was total fluff, but had its moments. Kim from the pharmacy recommended to her, haha.
work
today was my last day at Bronte! and a record day for Spruce Lane: 323 people, my gods. said my goodbyes to Cathy, Andrew, Meghan, and Kelly. and Mickey and No-legs and Calcium (snapping turtle and our snakes, respectively). and to the goats and the dank Spruce Lane basement. and best of all - i biked home for the last time! my bosses are willing to hire me back next year, and encourage me to at least volunteer if i find a better job elsewhere. we'll see. this job has definitely taught me alot. my perceptions of teaching have changed, and i've learned to cope with all manner of awkward boss situations, haha. i am going to miss the place. i finished my shift at Spruce Lane, by far my favourite of the two centres. i've gained so much knowledge of Victorian life, it's ridiculous! even though some days were pretty rough (and boring) i'll appreciate my time there and am thankful i had one hell of an awesome NHE department to work with.
after a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, i'm supposed to go in and meet Magda at the pharmacy to see about me coming back to work a few days a week. i've resigned myself to the fact that - even if i don't need it now - i will need money eventually, and i'd have to be an idiot not to work in September. we'll see how the meeting goes. she has to realize that i'll be wanting a steady schedule. after being spoiled at Bronte, i hate not knowing my hours in advance. how did i ever plan anything before?
friends
on Saturday afternoon, David wanted to hang out. we grabbed some iced coffee at Starbucks (oh my gods, heat) and talked for about an hour or so. maybe longer. discussed the fine points of American history, MCATs, TA's, my work, etc. as with Sarah and Graeme the other night - it felt good to catch up. while we were there, Sarah and Graeme did join us, and we four then went to Ultra to pick up something to make for dinner at mine. after ceaseless back and forth texting with Jordan, we figured out that he'd been at Algonquin (the first provincial park!) all weekend with his dad. he'd be able to meet us for dinner though. poor, tired man. after the half hour or so it took to make pasta and garlic bread, we enjoyed some yummy food outside and talked some more. it's so easy to forget how good your friends make you feel, isn't it? like, i know i went through this with Dave, Danilo, and Adri. it's that feeling of "why don't we hang out every day?" when you're laughing so hard that it's painful, you never want it to stop.
after awhile we decided to walk and get ice cream. yum chocolate peanut butter. by 9:30 or so we were back at my place, and eating ice cubes. it was freaking hot, and none of our beverages were cool anymore. the five of us devoured at least 60 ice cubes, ahaha. somehow we ended up playing President. mass fun. i don't think i've ever played so poorly in my life, but it was great. around 11, they headed out. (stupid work.) it was fun to see so much of my friends in what felt like such little time. it reminded me somewhat of being in res again. having everyone around, laughing, eating, drinking - just enjoying each other's company, you know? i need to spend more time being happy, being with people that help make me happy. it rather excites me to think that in a month or so i'll be working on getting a whole nother set of friends!
exchange
phoned Adri tonight. turns out she's leaving tomorrow, not on the 3rd! we talked for at least an hour, and the reconnection felt wonderful. her brother flew from Calgary to Kingston yesterday (he's at Queen's) and Nic flew into Toronto today. (he's here, i can visit!) and now, she's going to Europe tomorrow. madness. she's staying with her grandparents in Holland for a week, then is spending the remaining time until she begins school in Madrid with her "Spanish family" - the people she lived with for three months in high school. just talking to her, going over all the pre-leaving emotions was invigorating. what're you packing, who's picking you up, how's your mom doing, what classes are you taking, how big is your suitcase, do you have a roommate, when're you getting Skype? all questions that were covered. we could've talked for hours, i tell you.
Sheila's already been in Bretagne for a week, but because i so rarely talk to her nowadays, i do consider Adri the first of us to leave. she's our guinea pig, you know? you cannot understand how comforting it is to know that i'm not alone, that Dave and Adri are going through this too and all of us will gloriously survive. i hate saying it, but so few other people have an idea of what we're going through, what we've been through to get here. i sweare, the average person just thinks, "Oh, you're going on exchange? That's cool." as if it were some simple process, as if we just had to tick a box on some form earlier in second year. the paperwork, finances, emotional and mental rollercoasters, logistics - yes yes, we just pleasantly skipped all that, hahaha. everything done in the hope that this challenge will be worth it!
television
remind me to an entry once about Spooks, an MI-5 drama i never ever thought i could get hooked on.
miscellany
new icon by hobbitholes. still adore this movie. still need to buy it and the soundtrack. i also love how delightfully appropriate the quote is. love yous!