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Your · Artemis
laughter is the shortest distance between two people
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erm... so today? it was kind of awesome. kind of shit, but kind of awesome. interview: good news is, it went well. bad news is, they're only looking for people for September onwards. so fack. there goes that. Williams: dead quiet. like, at 9pm we had 7 people in the restaurant. we finished all the closing stuff we could by 8. after 11:15, we had no one. weird for a Saturday night. and totally boring. i did score lots of chocolate croissants though. plus side: seeing my Katrina again! she came in for a milkshake. it was the first time we met in over two and a half years. i can't describe how strange it was to catch up. mainly because, while 8 months ago i was at Anna's birthday party - Katrina was being impregnated. oh yes. my dear colleague, all of 21yrs old, and with an unfinished college degree has moved in with her boyfriend in downtown Burlington, of all places, and has gotten knocked up. they are naming her daughter Amberlynn. i seemed to be the only person in the place who saw something wrong with this situation. jesus. plus side: Cyrus! probably no one really knows this, but Cyrus is one of those people i will forever be bumping into. usually no more than once a year, that is, and usually at my workplace. but it has happened relatively frequently, considering we only met to begin with because he's Darien's (now Darius) older brother. (Darien: good friend from elementary/middle school, lives in neighbourhood.) we were also in the same high school for one year. actually, ha, some of you might remember him dating one of our twin friends. oh, and he used to drive a blue Beetle. anyway. Cyrus - for an acquaintance - is probably one of my favourite people in the world. every time we meet we have the most lovely conversations, and i'm grinning. we see each other so infrequently because one of us is always going somewhere. he's travelled all over. i mean, Darien was in China teaching for a year, but Cyrus - being older - has done more. he was in New Brunswick a few years back, went through a few places in Europe, and for at least a year now has been working in Dubai. now, however, he's been given unpaid leave for two months, so he's come to his parents here. he arrived the same date i did, back in Canada. in a few weeks, he's taking Darien to Prague, Vienna, and Budapest. am mightily jealous. so Cyrus came at the beginning of my break, and i delayed going back to work by another 10mins after i should have. we talked about all sorts of things, mainly our travels, what it feels like to be in Canada again, living abroad, English literature, etc. it was wonderful, and so great to see him again! and, that's it for now. very tired. my feet are killing me. it's been an eventful day, even if i don't count any of that stuff. Valerie's been up this weekend. and we had our family friends from Newmarket over today. and i work again tomorrow evening. but tomorrow morning i'm having a nice long Skype chat with my Christoph!! at this moment, he's at work. 6:22am there. time changes freak me out.
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it's strange how unattached i am to my LJ here in Canada again. like, in England i was so eager to scribble down everything that happened, remember ever precious moment. and here... well... there simply isn't that much happening. the cottage was lots of fun. not intense, that's for sure. was just us three and Ivana. not too warm, in the end, but we were still out on/in the water quite a bit. played lots of games. went to bed around 3:30 both nights, and even then, still chatted. very typical for us. i'm really happy to be with the two of them. i have missed our moments. we're not quite there yet, and may never be again, but it's okay. my British men can't compare to my Canadian ones, they're just different. there wasn't too much emotional drama (a bit, mainly caused by a forgotten and thus unexpected song on the radio) ooh, anyway, found out that Danilo is applying to law school this year, eeek. doing his LSATs in September. Dave's a bit disappointed in us, but i can't see it any other way - we've always had different ambitions and goals. so after Danilo and i graduate (fingers crossed!) next year, and Dave's stuck with one more year of his BA/BEd, we'll be scattered. obviously, i want to be back in York, and Danilo's hoping to get into McGill. more changes are coming, but we still have about a year together. on the job front, still no one's called. i can't effing believe it. the Thai place said they were looking! for gods' sake. i don't know what i'm going to do. jeez, i even - shush! - applied to McDonald's. i am that desperate. i'm not through with the UK yet! speaking of which, last night i finally put up my photos from the last weekend. took my time doing it, captioning all the photos. at the same time (mind, 5hrs ahead, haha) Lee put his up. Facebook's been flooded with Goodrickers' comments. did i tell you about Lee's photos? for the past year, the sight of Lee shuffling about with his proper camera has been a common fixture around Cell Block. he's been documenting life in our corridor. you know, all the moments you don't want captured! the mess in the kitchen, unkempt as you're making tea, checking yourself out in the mirror, making funny faces, doing dopey things you'll be embarassed of later, etc. etc. and these photos - they are WONDERFUL. absolutely wonderful. can't help but get choked up as you flick through the 400 or so of the last term that he's posted. black and white or colour, they're incredible. he's captured corridor life as it actually was. none of the make-up or going out clothes - but the tears, laughter, and chaos. these are the photos that we will cherish in years to come, as the memories flood to the surface. compiled, they are a work of art for us, for those of us that lived there. there's a Welsh saying, evidently, "We know because we were there." and that's it. i've spoken to Chris quite a bit in these past few empty days, and received messages from Lee and Hannah. Dutchie and i'll have to get a Skype date planned too. they told us at the pre-departure meeting over a year ago that once we returned, we'd measure time in the days that've passed since our return. painfully true. nine days later and i'm becoming more determined to get back. without exagerration, i can honestly say that i've never felt like this before. i've never had a dream that grips my heart like this one.
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 nostalgic | |
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ohh, it's a weird feeling.
since i've become totally frustrated in trying to find a good place to stay, Mom's taken over. this is good, maybe it's a sign that she and Dad will cover some of the expenses? gods i hope so.
around 11 this morning, i was at that beloved old high school of mine. i emailed Wood last week about visiting sometime. after seeing Mr. Morrison (retired crazy gym teacher) at the pharmacy, i decided it was a sign and chose to go in today.
met up with Hrysko (i went all day again referring to teachers by their first names. aside from Wood, of course. i'm still not used to it) in her gr11 history class. poor woman. she had a supply teacher in the day before, so none of the students had done their class/homework and were all behind. but we did manage to have a nice talk. she's such a genuinely caring person, it saddens me that other kids don't appreciate it.
it was funny, while i was in her class, Skene walked by her door. then he backs up and peers in the window, haha, and waves. after Hrysko's class ended i went to the Languages department and spoke to him for all of 2 minutes. needless to say, it wasn't long enough! he seems to enjoy being head of the department now, and according to Wood - he's good at it, takes all his colleague's opinions into account. i'm glad to hear it, haha, that man deserves to be loved.
saw Miss Schindler too. it's good to see she's hanging in there. she was a student teacher in my gr12 French class with Skene, and got along really well (makes sense, considering she's only 4yrs older) with our little class of four. she got a job at Bateman right after graduating, and is still liking it. bodes well for me! i was thinking about it today though... talking to Wood... i don't think i could handle teaching at Bateman for my first year. at least, i don't know if i could do my student teaching there. do you know how nervewracking it would be to have all these people you respect and admire watching (and in some cases, evaluating) everything you do? holy shite. i think i'd have to wait a few years, until i was confident enough. besides, Wood says he's dedicated to being "a lifer" at Bateman, so there'll always be time to work with him!
during third period, while with Wood, i (inevitably) spoke with Ellement. i so wish i'd had him for a teacher. he's still pretty funny. he and Wood like to gang up on and tease me in their own nerdy way. i'm sure that i would absolutely love to work with him one day too.
later, after fourth period, i met up with Mrs. Collins (old English/Music teacher) in the department office. she's so cute. still loves to talk, haha. she told me she's teaching all English courses this term, and is excited to be challenging herself to do new ones. it's nice to hear that the work i hope to do will always stay intriguing, will give me opportunity to grow. i asked her if she'd be doing any Music next term and she said "No! My second child is due in February." then she went all proud parent on me and showed me photos of her daughter. i have to admit, the kid's adorable. Collins was also surprisingly helpful when it came to ideas for my own postgrad plans. she gave me suggestions on how to get more experience with kids while abroad, and encouraged me to contact her when i return so that she could help me out. how nice is that? very happy to bump into her.
and finally, at the end of the day, i briefly spoke with Mr. Ball. adorable, geeky Mr. Ball. i was in the midst of talking to Wood though, so i couldn't really say much to him, but it was great to see that he was still around, with a smile on his face. hope he's happy in Grimsby. what i wouldn't give to still be taking World Issues...
( Wood-love unsuitable for some users )i'll probably start emailing Hrysko too. i'm so happy i went to visit today. the whole experience was wonderful, and felt so natural even though my ties to the school are severing year after year. it's funny, because i don't email Wood and Dine as often anymore (in fact, Dine and i have unfortunately(!!!) stopped altogether) and i only go to Bateman once or twice a year. in reality, it won't feel like i'm any further away from them while i'm in England. it's somehow a nice fact, knowing that the next time i see them i'll be back from England - i will have dozens of stories to tell and we'll be able to have whole new conversations. they see me there year after year (i cannot believe i graduated so long ago), they only see snippets of me and my life, never the day-after-day that was once the norm. if my life seems to be going fast from my perspective, it must seem to be zooming by from theirs! like Wood said, the school has already seen its first set of gr9's graduate (class of '08) and in another little while, they'll start to see another, older set of their students graduate university and come back! and that'll be me, darlings. someday, i don't know when, but i will teach at that school, by their side. love yous!
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i'm pretty sure i had one of the best dreams of my life last night. like all, it was interrupted by my alarm clock, but i definitely got a lot out of that before then, haha. as i've got work in about an hour, i'll do my best once i get back home to recite the dream here. (what i remember, at least.)
oh my, last night was great, and it's shaping up to be just as great of a day. love yous!
8:03 edit* nope... i definitely can't remember anything detailed. as for the bigger picture, it isn't one that would interest you if i can't remember the details, haha. let's just say i smiled all day because of my awesome morning, eek.
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it would seem that my cell minutes do run out.
three and a half hour, long distance phone calls might do that though.
and kids, if my phone didn't die... it could've gone on and on. we both inadvertently ditched everything else and went for it, haha. damn work and school, damn the consequences. we proved that no matter what happens, we could easily talk for hours and not notice. thing is: i always knew we could do it back then, before the intense drama, and now i know we can still do it. granted, 3.5hrs is nowhere near our record but it is our best yet this summer. it feels like eons since we've truly talked.
it was fun. it was full of laughter. best of all, i didn't even realize until now that it was normal and therefore so, so promising. i've just learned my lesson, haven't i? stick to landlines, ahaha.
spontaneous ideas really are the best ones. love yous!
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surprise surprise, i was in Toronto again. it occurred to me this evening (as i went to see Mamma Mia! again, don't ask) that after tomorrow, i'll only have two more weekends at home. TWO. that's it. i am mentally unprepared to go so soon.
anyway, Toronto. went up Friday evening, came back around 9 tonight. good gods did i have a great day today. i mean, i woke up all groggy. you know, when your morning routine is disturbed? when you didn't sleep in your own bed or use your own shampoo or dry your hair/do your makeup properly? yeah, it kinda throws your whole day off. but yeah, around 2 o'clock, i met up with Novak at Victoria Park station. it is unbelievable how much i missed him. he's just... the strangest guy. he was in his gangsta cop car. since Karadzic was arrested, his dad made him remove the reflective (and awesome) Cyrillic decal from the back of his car. it said "Serbia" alongside the four C's symobl and his parents were afraid he'd get attacked, haha. i had no idea what to expect, and quite frankly i would've been content sitting in the car just talking, but he had this wild plan. he took me to Edward Gardens, part of this botanical garden place (and network of parks throughout Toronto). they were having their Harvest Day, some kind of celebration. we walked around for at least an hour and a half. he taught me the proper way to eat rosehip, and i asked dozens of questions about his trip to Serbia/Greece. we had a nice time, it was a good idea of his. of course, then we were bloody thirsty. (there should be no heat like this in September!) he drove us to Sobey's, all the while entertaining me with stories of what he, Marko, and Nemanja (folklorites, met 'em both, adore Marko) do with their cars in the parking lot there. grab some healthy juices, bump into this guy he once sold a scooter too, and find out that a mutual acquaintance of theirs is in fact still in jail, now facing a charge of manslaughter. oh, sketchy Toronto.
next up was a surprise stop to some skate park. really. where he and the aforementioned two go in the evenings to fool around. none are very good at any tricks, haha. but he and i hung out there for about half an hour, just watching the guys there. pretty impressive, i'm not gonna lie. looks dangerous as hell, i know i couldn't do it. i can barely walk without falling over, let alone try and keep a board with wheels beneath my feet. then we went by his and his family's old apartment. this is what Novak does, remember? he takes me on tours of his life. his life in Canada, at any rate. i know so much about him, it's ridiculous. and yet, it feels like nothing at all... the man is an enigma. as for our next destination, there's a bit of backstory:
during first year, before Danilo and the folklorites went on one of their many trips to Blue Mountain skiing, Novak dropped off Danilo back at res after one of the folklor practices. earlier that evening, they'd gone to the Kraft/Peek Freans cookie factory, where there's a discount cookie outlet store. they'd bought this massive (like, at least 1 metre by 1 metre) bag of those delicious Digestive cookies, you know the ones with the chocolate on one side? yeah. they bought it to devour on the trip. obviously, when Danilo came back, so did 2/3rds of the cookies. they'd gotten sick, ahaha. he figured a huge bag of cookies couldn't be that hard to pawn off on starved/broke res kids, right? and he tried. we ate a hell of a lot of cookies. he tried stashing the ever-shrinking bag in various people's rooms, trying to make it someone else's responsibility - until it became a joke, haha, and then i think he tossed it.
anyway, since then, this factory has achieved mythic status in the minds of Dave and i - we'd never been. of course, this is where Novak took me next. holy crap kids, thank gods we arrived there 5mins before closing. there were cookies everywhere. all different types, and a few other snack foods that Kraft manufactures too. all for like, no more than $3. insanity. i just grabbed a box of "Double Stuf Mint" Oreos, yay. it's been years since i've indulged. after all this, we went to a park near Novak's place and sat on the swings until we became nauseous. we talked about our sisters, England, diabetes, folklor, and the geographical categorization of Mexico/New Mexico/Brazil. much fun!
as he drove me back to the station (early on in the evening yes, i was pretty tired and he still had tons of work for school) i realized how much i enjoy spending time with him. not like, in a romantic, he-is-attractive-and-intelligent-i-would-date-him-in-a-second way, haha, but in a normal, friend way. everytime we get together it's an unpredictable adventure, and i find myself laughing so much. he's just brilliant to have around, brilliant to know. i don't know what i'll do for 9 months without him...
that's pretty much it. maybe one day i'll write about Friday night, haha, but not now. work tomorrow, fack. 7hrs of pure boredom and pretending to look busy in front of my boss. love yous!
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last night, after work, i went and got a haircut. nothing too fancy or short. my hair is too wavy to handle short styles, and i can't be bothered to buy a straightener. after that, i went home and started to get ready for Dave's going away party. sadly, i don't think anyone took photos during the evening, so it's a shame you won't get to see how i looked, haha. (actually, it's generally a huge shame because the evening was fantastic.) i was even confident enough to wear heels, can you believe it? took the 7:20 train downtown, then the subway to Eglinton station. walked from there to Dora and Jo's place. oh my gods, i love their apartment! it's roomy and bright and well-organized. anyway, i got there just in time to get ready with them. around 9:30 (meaning they were late, of course!) Danilo, Dave, and Nic returned from their "guys' night out" at Messini. Rob was next at the apartment. oh my gods, Nic! i was super elated to see him. i don't know what it is, but i will never get tired of him. and it was pretty peachy seeing Rob too, he was a good guy to me that night. just us there, all of us, was so much fun. (Jo's boyfriend came later, as did Jessica and Sarah) we were supposed to leave at 10, but ended up going more around 11. the conversation and drinks were just too good to leave! because i don't have time for details, the highlights of the pre-party session were: - Danilo (purposefully and knowingly) reviving the age old argument between Rob and i: is Mel Gibson Australian or American? Danilo is convinced that a Trivial Pursuit showdown between Rob and i could only end in a tie, but he wants to try it out next year, haha. - Dora and Jo giving me a pretty set of shot glasses, identical to theirs (which i'd been admiring) as a going away gift - debating with Danilo about whether Hetal would make it out to the Brunny, as we both suspected he might, as we both inadvertently invited him, ahaha. (incidentally, he didn't come) - squealing about Djordjevic's awesomeness with Jo, who's taking his Shakespeare course this year. Danilo and Dave overhear this and tell Jo that i've got an idol of Djordjevic in my room ("along with one of Wood," Danilo whispers so only i can hear) which i worship so she could never be as crazy as me. bastards. - the grin on Dave's face, the satisfaction in knowing that two of his favourite people are on speaking terms again - and that we're with Dora & co. having fun together. guys, you could see it on his face the whole night - he was so happy. it brings tears to my eyes even now to think of how much last night meant to him. - Nic's conversation. all of it. - discovering that about half of Jo and i's book collections are identical - hearing that Danilo wouldn't be at the airport for Dave this Sunday. i was floored. i really thought it was a given. i still can't believe he isn't going to make it, that he's going to give in to his parents again (he is a dutiful son, often at the expense of his friends) and go to the cottage, that he's going to miss out on us properly splitting up. and then - hearing that he wasn't planning on coming to the airport for me either. you see, he really can be an insensitive prick, haha. (or, just a normal man.) guess i shouldn't be surprised. - seeing Dora get plastered before we even were ready to leave. Dora and her friends are an amazing, inclusive, fun-loving bunch of mad dancers who make you happy. the girls are dramatic, brazen, and open to everything new. that is to say, they're great to know - running at breakneck speed down 10 flights of stairs, when i can't even walk on solid ground properly we finally left around 11. caught a bus to Eglinton, and took the subway to Spadina. we were loud, we were tipsy, we were stumbling and laughing - it was a fantastic beginning. the last time any of us were at the Brunswick House was for our last night out of second year, in April. now that was an awesome night, so this was a very appropriate choice - some tough memories to relive! paid cover, found a table, headed to the bar. Rob bought me my first drink. he, Nic and i aren't the keen dancers. meaning... we just need to be fairly drunk. and oh, did we ever manage it. between the heat, the music, the alcohol, and the grins on everyone's faces - dancing did not turn out to be much of an issue at all. Robynn (who, by the way, met us there with Chris), Danilo, and Dora had no problems getting us all out there and it was seriously the most fun i've had since... well, since that other night at the Brunny. some things didn't change: Nic still helps get me drunk, Danilo is still a born dancer, Robynn still attracts the most attention, Dora is still the wildest. somehow, miraculously, despite this summer's events, there was no drama, no ambiguity, no doubts. i knew i was there to get drunk, love Dave, and enjoy myself to the fullest. this seemed to be everyone's theme for the night, and it worked out splendidly. Nic went home around 1, but the rest of us stayed until last call. whenever that was. i love Bloor West, i really do. i could live there. being out on the streets (not feeling my feet at all!), tripping all over the place, linking arms, laughing out loud - it was beautiful. the drunken stupor had overcome us and we didn't care. it was Dave's last night and we clearly could've been emotional and depressed - but we chose not to be and it was all the better. Robynn, Dora and i shared a cab back. i think i fell asleep. once we're at the apartment, Jo and Dora go to bed. Rob and Danilo were hungry and i think the girls sensed that we'd like some time "alone" (whatever, with our group), and they were very sweet about it. where else could we go but McDonald's? the five of us (Robynn's still around) made our way down there. of course, our beloved night crew was manning the stations. how appropriately sentimental of us to notice. i can't honestly remember what i ate (all i'd previously had was a bagel at 7). we sat down and talked and laughed, reliving some of our great memories and making new ones. you know those drunk youth you see out in the most unusual places at ungodly hours, running amok, disturbing the public, and laughing so hard? yeah, that was us. before i knew it, we were back outside. this is where it was awful. not awful, but... we realized that now was the time when Danilo and Rob would go back to Glendon and us three, no longer being able to call res home, would go back to Dora's. Danilo turns to Dave and goes, "Well man, have fun in France," and gives him a hug (in that weird, manly, casual way that they do. i wanted to knock some emotion into them!) i couldn't help but grimace. and grin. it was perverse. just looking at the two of them, my heart was turning into mush. i wish i could say i did the thing i'd wanted to do all evening. i wish i could look them both in the eye and just... have them know that right then, right at that moment, with the three of us standing in the most absurdly inappropriate (and therefore, perfect) of places - have them simply feel that i love them. instead, i just went up, kissed each on the cheek, and hugged them together, held them both in my arms and felt ridiculously sorrowful and proud and nostalgic and hopeful. it wasn't until Rob and Danilo had crossed the road and were fading away into the darkness, and until Dave stopped my walking and put his arms around me, that i noticed i had tears streaming down my face (kind of like i do now, remembering it). all three of us are going on to great things, and are going to have a fantastic year. we're still going to stay friends, in a way. we're going to see each other in ten months. Danilo and i still have time together now. my goodbyes haven't even really started. we're going to stay in touch. we're going to meet new people and discover new places and music and learn. it isn't the end of the world. but things between and surrounding us will change, and nothing anyone ever says will convince me that that moment did not mark the end of an era. we snuck back into the apartment. Dave and Robynn shared the futon (they really are like the "Danilo and Stephanie" friends that didn't go horribly awry, haha) while i got the couch to myself. i thought i was being quiet, i thought they were sleeping, but suddenly Robynn's lying on top of me and Dave is holding my hand, lips pressed to my temple, and they're both reassuring me that things will be okay. i've got to think of the memories and of the future. i've got to know (or "at least pretend to know") that our lives together are not over. i know part of my emotional rush was because of the alcohol, but a lot of it really was the sheer meaning of the moment, of the night. yes i've still got my party to look forward to (and even without Adri and Dave, it better rival this one!) but it isn't the same. this is the beginning of a new life, this is where we change. so even now, i can't stop crying to think of it. in the morning, Dave left at 7. i'll see him at the airport, so it wasn't too bad. i left around 9 to catch the 9:40 train back home. slept most of the way, not gonna lie. oh, but holy crap, i woke up with the best damned bedhead ever. it was like, sex hair to the max and i wish i could've kept it. anyway, got home, slept for 20mins, then showered and went to work. for eight and a half deathly hours. and let me tell you... hungover is not what you want to be when you're counting narcotic prescriptions, ahaha. so now? my feet are blistered (from work shoes, not partying), i've a headache that only just stopped, my thigh muscles are screaming in rebellion, i've got a faded ink spot on my hand that says "paid", and there's the decidedly permanent raccoon eye effect going on. oh darlings, it was so, so worth it. love yous!
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guess who got her visa, bitches?! oh yes. i'm super stoked! i have "UK Entry Clearance", hahaha. it's a wonderful thing. going to Dave's going-away party, eeeek. fingers-crossed i won't have a tearful goodbye, and can see him off at the airport on Sunday. love yous!
i'm feeling: |
 ditzy | |
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omg. yay Glendon.
yesterday afternoon, i started out for Glendon. at the train station here, i bumped into a girl i knew on the platform. Lana took the French class from hell with me (complete with satan spawn prof) last year. she hardly went, because she - like i - had no respect for the class. i just wanted a good mark, as it turns out. anyway, she's a year younger than me and we never really spoke much. as she was going to the campus too, we spent the next like, hour and a half together - it was crazy. someone i hardly knew became someone i knew lots of details about. turns out she's Kofi's girlfriend. Kofi is this intelligent, gorgeous South African guy with a lovely Italian accent. he worked at the Bistro and became its manager shortly before its downfall. he's one of those guys that everyone on campus knows. or at least - they know his reputation. because he, like Hetal, is a charming womanizer. difference being: Hetal has significantly more class and is nice to everyone, not just those with XX chromosomes. talking to Lana was fun because it made me realize that life could be so much worse (how stupid do you have to be to actually date someone who would probably cheat on you at any time? eek), yes, but it was also fun because we connected instantly. though we really don't have much in common, the fact that we both go to Glendon bonds us. even without having actually met all each other's acquaintances, we can visualize them, can recognize their faces. it's freaky, but convenient.
once i got to Glendon, i phoned Marybeth and met her in the student union office. saw Kate and Pierre there, which was a nice surprise too. Marybeth suggested we go to her place so she could show it to me, and so she could pay her bills. it was about a half hour walk but we were up for it, so we skipped TTC. once there, we enjoyed some lunch, and talked for a few hours. i'm amazed at how great her (and Kim M and Kim R's) place is! for three people, in a fairly populous part of town - it's great. even has skylights in the living and bathrooms! it gives me hope that i'll be able to find a decent place fourth year. we grabbed some Starbucks (yay for Kit's giftcard) and walked back. this is where it gets fun. i've already seen 4 people i know, keep count.
after having talked about her for a bit already, we bumped into Carlee-Ann on our way back. Carlee-Ann is a good friend of Marybeth's, who we weren't sure would make it back this year (her dad recently died and left her mom with four girls) but she has! i've talked to her before, and she's a total sweetheart, so seeing her again was nice. then we saw Eoghan (read: Owen), another good friend of Marybeth's and acquaintance of mine (he was once my frosh leader). then, now on campus, we saw Kim M and Jeremy (theatre geek i know through Geoff). Kim asks us to help her put up posters for the Positive Space (GBLT group) around the school. we help her, no problem. we meet Andie, a coworker of mine from Liaison. i'm shocked to learn she isn't going on her exchange to Belgium anymore! all done, we then go lounge on some couches upstairs until Marybeth's class begins. i then decide whether i should phone Danilo or Rob first to see them.
Danilo it is. i haven't spoken to the guy for weeks, and am nervous as hell. that being said, i don't foresee any difficulties. surprise surprise, he's napping and i wake him up. totally unexpecting to hear my voice, he agrees to come let me into Wood. (i hate not having keys! and the security measures are hardcore this year.) we leave just as quickly, and start walking across campus. the conversation is light, breezy. we have lots to catch up on. it's mainly me talking, i can practically hear the wheels turning in his head, trying to figure out when i'm here. after 20mins, we make it to Dominion. we do some grocery shopping. we're talking, and to the outsider i'm sure we seemed just like two friends having fun, it's almost like old times. there was clearly his white elephant in the room though, oh my. on our way back to campus, it finally comes out: "why are you here? why are you choosing to talk to me now? are you sure you're okay? i don't want to put up with another freak out. if you get angry again, it won't bode well. i think you're just here because you don't want Dave's party to be awkward on Thursday, etc."
basically, he's very skeptical. i couldn't exactly blame him. i did my best to convince him that i am alright. talking to him isn't a problem. i've become much more confident these couple of weeks. realized a lot of things about myself, about what i want out of life. not talking to or thinking of him became easier - i could do it for days without even noticing. i can understand why he'd doubt me. yet i kept pushing, trying to get him to look at me and realize that i really was okay. it's me he's dealing with, you know? not some crazed ex-girlfriend. it's me, his good friend Stephanie.
anyway, on the way back to Wood we ran into Kim M again and Irena (Pro Tem photographer). that's 11 now. as soon as we dropped off his stuff, he suggested we go walk to get burek (this to-die-for eastern European pastry/dinner) at a EuroDeli. now, we'd only ever driven there and so i had no idea how absolutely freaking far it was. holy shite, were my feet dead by now. nonetheless, i went, what else could i do? it was uphill and rainy and cold but we were okay. we kept talking. there were eerie silences, there was shallow conversation, but we were starting to laugh, he was opening up. after about an hour, we got there. bought Fanta and Frutti and burek, and turned right back around into the bad weather. by the time we got back to Glendon, it was 7ish. i could tell he was hesitant about having me in his room alone, and it kinda hurt me. he recognized that i was okay with him mentioning Laura, which is a good thing. (and i am okay with it. i just don't necessarily want to meet her soon, haha. better to focus on fixing him and me first.) but we talked some more and i could sense he relaxed. oh man though - as marvelous as it felt to be back in Wood, his room feels different. most of the bedding and books and posters and flags (oh the flags) are back, but it still doesn't feel like it's his, like it's the room that belonged to him and Dave and i. weird to think that school life moves on, without us. makes the thought of starting my own academic life more appealing.
a new writer for Pro Tem stopped by (i had to laugh and introduce myself, and tell her to say Hi to Alex) and asked us questions about city versus country living. city all the way, clearly! later Rob pushed the door open a crack and asked Danilo if he was on the phone. Danilo says No, why? "Because the floor is quiet and way at the other end of the hall I can hear your voice booming." hahaha. then Danilo gestures to me and Rob pushes the door open more. "STEPH!" Rob comes in and gives me a hug. sometimes i really hate the guy, but now that he knows i'm leaving he's so much nicer, ahaha. he stays for awhile to talk, and then leaves to go work.
that's another thing i noticed. i don't know if it's the absence of me and Dave to distract him, but Danilo (and everyone else on campus) seems so busy already. it's the first week of school and they're already doing their reading, what the heck?! we don't work at Glendon, we procrastinate! third year seems really difficult so far... i'm afraid of England.
after Rob leaves, Danilo and i talk for about half an hour more before i have to leave. he accompanies me to the bus stop. on our way, we pass the security booth. "Don't we know him?" i ask, seeing a guy in the booth, knowing the answer full well. Danilo peers. "Yes!" and beats me to the window. it's Hetal, of course. i've just seen him 3 days ago, but his smile is always welcoming. he and Danilo are glad to see each other. (the potential the encounter had to backfire on me didn't even cross my mind till later, haha.) we hang out for about 10mins there, chatting, until i get nervous about my bus. walking away, Danilo and i agree that it isn't fair that Hetal should've already graduated. when my bus finally comes, i say bye and he gives me a hug. although reluctant at first, i'd say the meeting was a success. i think we're going to be okay.
oh, but i'm not done yet. on the bus, who should i sit next to but Clara Wille, my old Assistant Editor at Pro Tem! she's such a peach, we have a lovely time talking. she informs me that Ashley (Editor-in-Chief) now has a great job in Alberta that earns her $74,000/year. first job after graduating! with an arts degree! she's putting the rest of us to shame... and Clara's cute boyfriend Gab (the Politics editor, remember?) is enjoying his exchange in Hong Kong so far. very encouraging. i lose Clara at the subway station and go down to Union. get my ticket, go up to the platform. and guess what happens? oh yes, another face i recognize. Elliot, a guy in my British History lecture/tutorial, walks by and goes, "Stephanie?" i couldn't stop grinning. this was such a day for running into people. we talked nonstop until his stop, it was great to catch up and see him again.
evidently, it wasn't a bad day all around. full of the friendly faces of people i've missed. next Toronto trip? Thursday! i just can't seem to stay away... love yous!
i'm feeling: |
happy | |
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