Your · Artemis

it was the flowers, it was the handwritten song, it was every single hug.
i think it's safe to say that this weekend was one of the most difficult for me to endure in a very, very long time. (well... maybe not as difficult as those dark days after Danilo and i broke up, but it was damned tough.)
Friday night was in Toronto: Nic, Dora, Jo, Marybeth, Novak, Danilo, Marko, Rob, Robynn, Brian. there were a few others there, but those were the ones i had to say goodbye to. Mom always says that my heart is too big, that it tries to accomodate so many people. the thing about having such a big heart is that it can break into so many more pieces, but that you can also care for people so much more. saying goodbye to Novak was way harder than i thought it'd be. i've become more attached to him than i thought i would, and i'll miss having him around. he's one of a kind, and i'm glad that, as he says wryly, "We'll always have Facebook." if i didn't want to look nice for the rest of the evening (he left earlier) i would've given in and just let the tears stream down my face. he knew i wanted to. ohh, he knew. i did truly enjoy myself that evening though. i didn't get too drunk, but it was nicer, i felt more grounded. i liked having everyone around me. one thing that was hard was realizing that there's still lots to learn about certain people (Marko, Jo, etc.) and i may never get the opportunity to get to know them better. at the very end of the night, Robynn drove us back to Dora's. i didn't want to get out of the van because i knew what was coming. i couldn't face saying goodbye, but Marybeth was looking at me, kind of telling me that it was time. i think i hugged her at least half a dozen times. without me even realizing it she's become such a close friend. she's one of the few i don't worry about losing, or worry about our relationship changing. saying bye to Robynn was tough too, but i know i'll be okay without her, i know she'll be around as much as she ever was. but as if i weren't upset enough after Marybeth, i then had to turn around and say goodbye to Danilo. the guy was drunker than i think i've ever seen him. i'm not sure why. maybe it's kind of like how i became ridiculously drunk the night Dave left? either way, i doubt Danilo even remembers saying bye. knowing this made me a little less satisfied, made this feel like an inadequate farewell - but maybe that's only typical. maybe that's the only way it could've turned out. all i know is that i didn't want to let him go. after everything that's happened, after everything he's done or not done or whatever... i can't help caring about him. i can't help feeling as if i was leaving behind one of the most important people in my life. seeing them drive off made me feel so alone.
Saturday night was not much more fun. well, that's not true. with Dee, Jordan, Graeme, Sarah, and Dave - it's never not fun. we had a blast and i laughed like crazy. we made many more memories to add to my collection, and i'm happy we could relax and be mischevious one more time together. we can do the simplest things, and it'll still be awesome. that's the magic of us, of being so comfortable with each other and who we each are. i thought it would be hard to hang on to this bunch, and while things've changed since high school - we're still together, i still look forward to going out with them every time. so while saying goodbye to them at the end of the night, knowing that i won't get to hug any of them for so long was devastating - i trust that we will pull through. they're keepers, right Dee?
and today? my family came down for a last visit. i had a great time with my cousins (though Dana is in Montréal) and Valerie too. it was nothing too fancy, too overwhelming. just a lot of good conversation with my aunt, uncles, and grandmother. i squeezed little Brahm and Eva a lot (the Leupens are visiting me this year!). it was kind of weird knowing that they're all going to be seeing each other as soon as next weekend, for Thanksgiving. it's the first holiday i'm going to be away from, and i'll be thinking of them. as they were leaving, i was actually doing okay crying-wise, but then Tante Chris came up to me with tears in her eyes and i couldn't help starting too. they're family though, and i know i will always have them around. this helps.
when Val left this evening, i actually didn't cry at all. i'm going to miss the pain-in-the-arse a lot (don't tell her) but i know we'll keep in pretty good touch. she's my sister, right? even if i fight with her half the time, we're stuck with each other. she's having her own adventure this year, and i want to start mine.
i always knew this weekend would suck. Nikki and her kids came by, and Sharon (Mom and Dad's friend/Mom's coworker's wife/the most kind-hearted woman on the planet) phoned to have a long talk too. basically the only ones left now are Mom, Dad, and maybe Viv. i can't wrap my head around the fact that i have three more nights at home. but you know what's harder to accept than that? the fact that i will not see, will not physically see or touch, most of the people i love so dearly until next summer. July, can you believe it? it seems as if summer just ended, yet that's how long i'm going to have to wait. heat, pools, summer jobs, long days, barbecues, and birthdays. when all these things return, that's when i'll be home again.
saying goodbye this weekend, i wasn't sure i could ever figure out how to say to my friends and family the depths to which i love and appreciate them. you see, it's not like i think i'm going to lose everyone, no, it's more like i know the relationships will never be the same, i know how much people can change and i'm mourning the loss of how perfect everything is right now. do you see Rose's expression in this userpic (windsong_icons)? this sublimely beautiful userpic which will stay on my journal for a long time to come? do you see how stricken she is? (admittedly, it helps to've seen this scene) well, that's kind of how i feel. it's as if everything i've lived my life for is leaving. but what my friends have taught me in these past few days is that in the end, the truest and most honest thing for me to tell them is what i whispered in Danilo's ear: "You already know everything I want to say."
love yous!

last night, after work, i went and got a haircut. nothing too fancy or short. my hair is too wavy to handle short styles, and i can't be bothered to buy a straightener. after that, i went home and started to get ready for Dave's going away party. sadly, i don't think anyone took photos during the evening, so it's a shame you won't get to see how i looked, haha. (actually, it's generally a huge shame because the evening was fantastic.) i was even confident enough to wear heels, can you believe it?
took the 7:20 train downtown, then the subway to Eglinton station. walked from there to Dora and Jo's place. oh my gods, i love their apartment! it's roomy and bright and well-organized. anyway, i got there just in time to get ready with them. around 9:30 (meaning they were late, of course!) Danilo, Dave, and Nic returned from their "guys' night out" at Messini. Rob was next at the apartment. oh my gods, Nic! i was super elated to see him. i don't know what it is, but i will never get tired of him. and it was pretty peachy seeing Rob too, he was a good guy to me that night. just us there, all of us, was so much fun. (Jo's boyfriend came later, as did Jessica and Sarah) we were supposed to leave at 10, but ended up going more around 11. the conversation and drinks were just too good to leave! because i don't have time for details, the highlights of the pre-party session were:
- Danilo (purposefully and knowingly) reviving the age old argument between Rob and i: is Mel Gibson Australian or American? Danilo is convinced that a Trivial Pursuit showdown between Rob and i could only end in a tie, but he wants to try it out next year, haha.
- Dora and Jo giving me a pretty set of shot glasses, identical to theirs (which i'd been admiring) as a going away gift
- debating with Danilo about whether Hetal would make it out to the Brunny, as we both suspected he might, as we both inadvertently invited him, ahaha. (incidentally, he didn't come)
- squealing about Djordjevic's awesomeness with Jo, who's taking his Shakespeare course this year. Danilo and Dave overhear this and tell Jo that i've got an idol of Djordjevic in my room ("along with one of Wood," Danilo whispers so only i can hear) which i worship so she could never be as crazy as me. bastards.
- the grin on Dave's face, the satisfaction in knowing that two of his favourite people are on speaking terms again - and that we're with Dora & co. having fun together. guys, you could see it on his face the whole night - he was so happy. it brings tears to my eyes even now to think of how much last night meant to him.
- Nic's conversation. all of it.
- discovering that about half of Jo and i's book collections are identical
- hearing that Danilo wouldn't be at the airport for Dave this Sunday. i was floored. i really thought it was a given. i still can't believe he isn't going to make it, that he's going to give in to his parents again (he is a dutiful son, often at the expense of his friends) and go to the cottage, that he's going to miss out on us properly splitting up. and then - hearing that he wasn't planning on coming to the airport for me either. you see, he really can be an insensitive prick, haha. (or, just a normal man.) guess i shouldn't be surprised.
- seeing Dora get plastered before we even were ready to leave. Dora and her friends are an amazing, inclusive, fun-loving bunch of mad dancers who make you happy. the girls are dramatic, brazen, and open to everything new. that is to say, they're great to know
- running at breakneck speed down 10 flights of stairs, when i can't even walk on solid ground properly
we finally left around 11. caught a bus to Eglinton, and took the subway to Spadina. we were loud, we were tipsy, we were stumbling and laughing - it was a fantastic beginning. the last time any of us were at the Brunswick House was for our last night out of second year, in April. now that was an awesome night, so this was a very appropriate choice - some tough memories to relive! paid cover, found a table, headed to the bar. Rob bought me my first drink. he, Nic and i aren't the keen dancers. meaning... we just need to be fairly drunk. and oh, did we ever manage it. between the heat, the music, the alcohol, and the grins on everyone's faces - dancing did not turn out to be much of an issue at all. Robynn (who, by the way, met us there with Chris), Danilo, and Dora had no problems getting us all out there and it was seriously the most fun i've had since... well, since that other night at the Brunny. some things didn't change: Nic still helps get me drunk, Danilo is still a born dancer, Robynn still attracts the most attention, Dora is still the wildest. somehow, miraculously, despite this summer's events, there was no drama, no ambiguity, no doubts. i knew i was there to get drunk, love Dave, and enjoy myself to the fullest. this seemed to be everyone's theme for the night, and it worked out splendidly. Nic went home around 1, but the rest of us stayed until last call. whenever that was. i love Bloor West, i really do. i could live there. being out on the streets (not feeling my feet at all!), tripping all over the place, linking arms, laughing out loud - it was beautiful. the drunken stupor had overcome us and we didn't care. it was Dave's last night and we clearly could've been emotional and depressed - but we chose not to be and it was all the better. Robynn, Dora and i shared a cab back. i think i fell asleep. once we're at the apartment, Jo and Dora go to bed. Rob and Danilo were hungry and i think the girls sensed that we'd like some time "alone" (whatever, with our group), and they were very sweet about it.
where else could we go but McDonald's? the five of us (Robynn's still around) made our way down there. of course, our beloved night crew was manning the stations. how appropriately sentimental of us to notice. i can't honestly remember what i ate (all i'd previously had was a bagel at 7). we sat down and talked and laughed, reliving some of our great memories and making new ones. you know those drunk youth you see out in the most unusual places at ungodly hours, running amok, disturbing the public, and laughing so hard? yeah, that was us. before i knew it, we were back outside. this is where it was awful. not awful, but...
we realized that now was the time when Danilo and Rob would go back to Glendon and us three, no longer being able to call res home, would go back to Dora's. Danilo turns to Dave and goes, "Well man, have fun in France," and gives him a hug (in that weird, manly, casual way that they do. i wanted to knock some emotion into them!) i couldn't help but grimace. and grin. it was perverse. just looking at the two of them, my heart was turning into mush. i wish i could say i did the thing i'd wanted to do all evening. i wish i could look them both in the eye and just... have them know that right then, right at that moment, with the three of us standing in the most absurdly inappropriate (and therefore, perfect) of places - have them simply feel that i love them. instead, i just went up, kissed each on the cheek, and hugged them together, held them both in my arms and felt ridiculously sorrowful and proud and nostalgic and hopeful. it wasn't until Rob and Danilo had crossed the road and were fading away into the darkness, and until Dave stopped my walking and put his arms around me, that i noticed i had tears streaming down my face (kind of like i do now, remembering it).
all three of us are going on to great things, and are going to have a fantastic year. we're still going to stay friends, in a way. we're going to see each other in ten months. Danilo and i still have time together now. my goodbyes haven't even really started. we're going to stay in touch. we're going to meet new people and discover new places and music and learn. it isn't the end of the world. but things between and surrounding us will change, and nothing anyone ever says will convince me that that moment did not mark the end of an era.
we snuck back into the apartment. Dave and Robynn shared the futon (they really are like the "Danilo and Stephanie" friends that didn't go horribly awry, haha) while i got the couch to myself. i thought i was being quiet, i thought they were sleeping, but suddenly Robynn's lying on top of me and Dave is holding my hand, lips pressed to my temple, and they're both reassuring me that things will be okay. i've got to think of the memories and of the future. i've got to know (or "at least pretend to know") that our lives together are not over. i know part of my emotional rush was because of the alcohol, but a lot of it really was the sheer meaning of the moment, of the night. yes i've still got my party to look forward to (and even without Adri and Dave, it better rival this one!) but it isn't the same. this is the beginning of a new life, this is where we change. so even now, i can't stop crying to think of it.
in the morning, Dave left at 7. i'll see him at the airport, so it wasn't too bad. i left around 9 to catch the 9:40 train back home. slept most of the way, not gonna lie. oh, but holy crap, i woke up with the best damned bedhead ever. it was like, sex hair to the max and i wish i could've kept it. anyway, got home, slept for 20mins, then showered and went to work. for eight and a half deathly hours. and let me tell you... hungover is not what you want to be when you're counting narcotic prescriptions, ahaha.
so now? my feet are blistered (from work shoes, not partying), i've a headache that only just stopped, my thigh muscles are screaming in rebellion, i've got a faded ink spot on my hand that says "paid", and there's the decidedly permanent raccoon eye effect going on. oh darlings, it was so, so worth it. love yous!

guess who got her visa, bitches?!
oh yes. i'm super stoked! i have "UK Entry Clearance", hahaha. it's a wonderful thing.
going to Dave's going-away party, eeeek. fingers-crossed i won't have a tearful goodbye, and can see him off at the airport on Sunday. love yous!

much to talk about, and i don't want to forget any of it. skip to the parts which interest you, haha.
family
Val's moving out tomorrow! as Kelly said, i'll be an only child again. weird thought. i'm going to miss her, huge pain-in-the-ass that she is. i have no idea how she'll handle her newfound independence. on the one hand, i can picture her being totally reckless and getting caught up in everything, and in another i can only see her acting as she always does: aloof and isolated, cooler than everyone else. Mom and Dad are driving her there so they can help her with internet connections, frosh prep, etc. i remember my first week in res so clearly. all the stupid (and fun) things i did... odd to think that i'll be participating in "fresher's week" this year too! anyway, with Val gone alot of the tension in our household should dissipate too. (or focus on me, whatever.) things will definitely be interesting as my parents slowly come to term with their new position as empty nesters. we did everything Valerie wanted tonight, including eating meat fondue and watching Sydney White, this totally dorky (borderline "cute" dorky) movie. it was total fluff, but had its moments. Kim from the pharmacy recommended to her, haha.
work
today was my last day at Bronte! and a record day for Spruce Lane: 323 people, my gods. said my goodbyes to Cathy, Andrew, Meghan, and Kelly. and Mickey and No-legs and Calcium (snapping turtle and our snakes, respectively). and to the goats and the dank Spruce Lane basement. and best of all - i biked home for the last time! my bosses are willing to hire me back next year, and encourage me to at least volunteer if i find a better job elsewhere. we'll see. this job has definitely taught me alot. my perceptions of teaching have changed, and i've learned to cope with all manner of awkward boss situations, haha. i am going to miss the place. i finished my shift at Spruce Lane, by far my favourite of the two centres. i've gained so much knowledge of Victorian life, it's ridiculous! even though some days were pretty rough (and boring) i'll appreciate my time there and am thankful i had one hell of an awesome NHE department to work with.
after a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, i'm supposed to go in and meet Magda at the pharmacy to see about me coming back to work a few days a week. i've resigned myself to the fact that - even if i don't need it now - i will need money eventually, and i'd have to be an idiot not to work in September. we'll see how the meeting goes. she has to realize that i'll be wanting a steady schedule. after being spoiled at Bronte, i hate not knowing my hours in advance. how did i ever plan anything before?
friends
on Saturday afternoon, David wanted to hang out. we grabbed some iced coffee at Starbucks (oh my gods, heat) and talked for about an hour or so. maybe longer. discussed the fine points of American history, MCATs, TA's, my work, etc. as with Sarah and Graeme the other night - it felt good to catch up. while we were there, Sarah and Graeme did join us, and we four then went to Ultra to pick up something to make for dinner at mine. after ceaseless back and forth texting with Jordan, we figured out that he'd been at Algonquin (the first provincial park!) all weekend with his dad. he'd be able to meet us for dinner though. poor, tired man. after the half hour or so it took to make pasta and garlic bread, we enjoyed some yummy food outside and talked some more. it's so easy to forget how good your friends make you feel, isn't it? like, i know i went through this with Dave, Danilo, and Adri. it's that feeling of "why don't we hang out every day?" when you're laughing so hard that it's painful, you never want it to stop.
after awhile we decided to walk and get ice cream. yum chocolate peanut butter. by 9:30 or so we were back at my place, and eating ice cubes. it was freaking hot, and none of our beverages were cool anymore. the five of us devoured at least 60 ice cubes, ahaha. somehow we ended up playing President. mass fun. i don't think i've ever played so poorly in my life, but it was great. around 11, they headed out. (stupid work.) it was fun to see so much of my friends in what felt like such little time. it reminded me somewhat of being in res again. having everyone around, laughing, eating, drinking - just enjoying each other's company, you know? i need to spend more time being happy, being with people that help make me happy. it rather excites me to think that in a month or so i'll be working on getting a whole nother set of friends!
exchange
phoned Adri tonight. turns out she's leaving tomorrow, not on the 3rd! we talked for at least an hour, and the reconnection felt wonderful. her brother flew from Calgary to Kingston yesterday (he's at Queen's) and Nic flew into Toronto today. (he's here, i can visit!) and now, she's going to Europe tomorrow. madness. she's staying with her grandparents in Holland for a week, then is spending the remaining time until she begins school in Madrid with her "Spanish family" - the people she lived with for three months in high school. just talking to her, going over all the pre-leaving emotions was invigorating. what're you packing, who's picking you up, how's your mom doing, what classes are you taking, how big is your suitcase, do you have a roommate, when're you getting Skype? all questions that were covered. we could've talked for hours, i tell you.
Sheila's already been in Bretagne for a week, but because i so rarely talk to her nowadays, i do consider Adri the first of us to leave. she's our guinea pig, you know? you cannot understand how comforting it is to know that i'm not alone, that Dave and Adri are going through this too and all of us will gloriously survive. i hate saying it, but so few other people have an idea of what we're going through, what we've been through to get here. i sweare, the average person just thinks, "Oh, you're going on exchange? That's cool." as if it were some simple process, as if we just had to tick a box on some form earlier in second year. the paperwork, finances, emotional and mental rollercoasters, logistics - yes yes, we just pleasantly skipped all that, hahaha. everything done in the hope that this challenge will be worth it!
television
remind me to an entry once about Spooks, an MI-5 drama i never ever thought i could get hooked on.
miscellany
new icon by hobbitholes. still adore this movie. still need to buy it and the soundtrack. i also love how delightfully appropriate the quote is. love yous!

one more day of work left! oh Bronte, how i shall miss thee. lots of fond memories. had my evaluation done today. or rather, they went over their evaluation of me. did pretty well, i guess. well enough that they'd hire me back, should i wish it. and the references won't be too bad. it felt weird sitting in Andrew and Cathy's office, being able to remember my initial interview with them so clearly, knowing that the summer is pretty much at an end now. who knew this job would be so great? i said goodbye to Jess, as it was her last day. i miss her already. she's off to Queen's tomorrow to move back in with her six crazy housemates. i'm going to do my best to stay in touch.
got a call from Sarah at work, asking if i wanted to do anything to night. hellz yes! i have tomorrow off and am relishing my free Friday night. as it were, no one else was free. (Jordan, it appears, has fallen off the face of the earth.) Graeme picked me up after he was done work. i love car rides with Graeme. i can't imagine we'd be as good friends without all those conversations, haha. the three of us had a splendid old time in Hamilton: talked, ate chili, went for a walk, bought groceries (and cake!), rented a movie, etc. pretty enjoyable. i don't get to spend enough time with Graeme and Sarah alone, so this was a nice catch up. something different.
oh my, we met the most wonderful nutter at the grocery store though. kept telling us cute (then inappropriate) jokes. and stories. and general ramblings. she said Graeme was lucky to have two such beautiful women, ahaha. she actually told a joke about Scotsmen/kilts, which was brilliant. it was one of those weird, happenstance encounters with strangers. you know, where you're kind of amused, kind of afraid. typical of inner cities, i suppose. made me miss the crazies of Toronto. (not.) i'm pretty sure the woman made my day though. at this cute independent video store we (not only made the cashier laugh at us, we also) rented Eurotrip and Empire Records, and though Graeme and i had already seen the former, that's what we watched. i was totally fine with it - i love that movie. totally fits my mood right now too, yay! if you haven't seen the film, do. it's dumb and childish and politically incorrect, but so awesome.
am currently in the middle of reading messages from Novak and Greg. i need to see Marybeth soon to sell her some of my old English textbooks, so i'm figuring out how i can visit Glendon, see her, and possibly see Novak/Hetal/Brian. there are so many people who keep saying, "We have to meet up before you leave!" and i get the feeling i'd better get started on it now. if my parents have their way, i'll be spending my last month here working at the pharmacy again, aaah. love yous!

get-together at Graeme and Sarah's last night went well, after some minor driving drama, haha. i don't know why i don't see my friends every second i can, because they always cheer me up. and heck, even when i feel sad and need to - they're okay with it too. spending time with Oliver, the puppy they're dog-sitting was pretty interesting. i think Graeme and Sarah are learning things, haha. food, drink, conversation, and the game of headbands - what more could you ever want? not Orgazmo, that's for damned sure.
this morning was slightly less fun. lotsa pressure. had to finish typing up my programs to bring into work, had to make nanaimo bars (am so happy i did though, mmm), get ready in time to greet visiting family, etc. all effing day i looked for my shirt. it's a black-and-white striped one, with a collar, a t-shirt. i freaking love it, and i have no idea where on earth it is. i looked everywhere: under the kitchen sink, Mom's sewing room, Val's laundry, in the backyard, in old backpacks. it has bloody disappeared and i am upset. i ended up putting on a dress for awhile. but you know how you have that one clothing item? the one that you could swear is cursed? everytime you put it on, or even plan to put it on - bad things happen? it was that kind of dress. it's gorgeous and i love it to pieces but i had to change out of it later, haha.
i also had a complete nervous breakdown. it was bad. a whole bunch of issues were coming to a breaking point, and i had to let it out. it wasn't pretty, and too many people were witnesses. my grandmother, aunt, and mother were all trying to calm me down. i could see that they were genuinely concerned, but i couldn't do anything. my dad, Val, my uncle and cousins stayed out of it and i can't blame them. i still don't know what happened, but i have a feeling i know what triggered it. i don't know kids, my life just seems like a disaster 95% of the time.
Val and i belatedly celebrated our birthdays. again. i got some lovely jewellry and a shirt from my grandmother, a gift card from my aunt, and also from her, one awesome luggage tag: "I'm a mess on the inside." how appropriate eh?
skipped out early on the family to go to my work potluck. today was the 9weekers' last day! i was warned that there would be a little tension because they'd all had their evaluations done, eek. i've got mine on Tuesday, and i'm scared. love my job, feeling confident in it, but am scared. nonetheless, there was no drama and we had an incredible time. we all just get along so well, and even have so much fun with our bosses. it's a shame we couldn't get everyone together more often, and it's a shame we're going to be all over the planet after this. i'm going to especially miss Aaron and Jess. Aaron'll still be in town, so i'm hoping to see him once more before i leave. still, he's my dream team partner(!) and not working with him is going to suck. Jess i still see for a week, but considering how chaotic things'll be because we're running the centres with less than half a full staff - we doubt we'll see each other often. oh my gods though, we had delicious food. lasagna and meatballs and carrot salad and wild rice. butterscotch buns and fruit salad and brownies! damn, who knew we were all so talented? we laughed a lot and acted like nerds and managed to take some decent group photos. i'm going to miss this job to pieces. as crazy as i've been driven because of it, so often have my hours there been the highlight of my day. love yous!

after work yesterday, i biked home and showered/changed, only to be driven back to Bronte. the Health & Wellness dinner was last night, and man - was it ever delicious. best pasta i've had in awhile, and the salad was to die for. good food all around, and great dessert. afterwards, pretty much the entire NHE department except Kelly, Jessica (both came later), Andrew, Cathy, and Adria went to Jess's for a work party! now, i don't know what your work party experiences have been like, but i always like mine. this one, of course, was the best one yet. we started lightly, playing Texas horseshoes (Aaron and i were the unbeatable dream team, surprisingly) but eventually we started drinking more and headed inside to be rid of mosquitoes.
inside, for the first time, i played "Catchphrase". oh my gods, it's the best game ever. addictive and so, so amusing. Meghan, Nick, Drew (Jess's boyfriend), Aaron and i were the winning team. over and over, until we switched it up, haha. i'm sorely tempted to buy the game myself now, but i like the old school non-electronic version and they don't make it anymore. by the time we ended, it was about 11ish - and though most of us were still fairly okay (sobriety-wise), Nick and Aaron were far gone. hilarious. they're the 18yr old males. plaid-shirt-wearing, football-playing, vodka-guzzling males. all arrogance and appearances and hormones. it kind of makes me appreciate my own, slightly older friends more. that being said, i love the two to pieces. (especially Aaron, we are "bike buddies for life".) they, Jess and i probably get along the best - if only by virtue of the fact that we spend the most time together. however, due to meds and stuff, Jess doesn't drink alot and the guys quickly figured out that i have this German high tolerance - and kept challenging me to more. obviously, i didn't give in - but they were a lot funnier that night for it. 
a bunch of us opted to stay over, but only Meghan, Jen and i had to work the next morning - aaah. the rest had the day off or came in later, lucky kids. of course, coming in to work hungover from a work party is totally accepted at NHE, yay! for about an hour and a half we played Kings. i'd never played this either, but apparently it's a really popular drinking game? fairly simple, if i remember correctly. after a few rounds of this, it became evident that we'd all had enough to drink and should start winding down. to say our conversations strayed into dangerous waters would be an understatement, haha. but it's all good, we're young and dumb and carefree, right? we just walked away knowing a bit more about each other than we should, that's all.
the next morning, i got a ride to work with Meghan. Jen and i had a children's program to run, yay! we were so hoping it would thunderstorm and we could cancel. see, Jen didn't drink much, so we'd agreed that if a huge group came - she'd cover for me and run the program, haha. thankfully, aside from a light headache i was okay and able to deal with the one family that came. the rest of the day was pretty peaceful, we at NHE were lucky enough to get the leftovers from dinner so i had a yummy lunch. Spruce Lane was totally dead so i (not gonna lie) slept for about an hour, and then read for the rest of the time. just one family visited, can you believe it? stupid rain. good gods though, i'm exhausted. this whole work/party/work lifestyle is not for me.
sidenotes: Val got her laptop today. a pretty black HP. Cathy printed out the schedules for the last week of work (with just Jess, Meghan, Kelly and i - alone again!) and it's... empty. very sad, to think we're losing the 9weekers soon and are then done ourselves. this has been an overall fantastic summer job. Mom brought home a grey-and-white kitten from work. she has the biggest blue eyes and is thus named Sapphire. i've been holding her for 5mins and want to keep her forever. love yous!

tonight was the work party. up until about half an hour before, i was 50/50 as to whether i should go. i'm happy i did, if only because i have that glorious campfire smell all over my clothes now.
i biked home from work, took a quick shower, threw together a fruit salad, and changed. Dad drove me up to Phil's. well, it's technically Phil and Jen's, but we call it Phil's 'cause he worked at Bronte first (last year) and she's fairly new. whatever, i don't get it either. point being: they're related, and she works with us now as a 9weeker. Phil also dates Adria, another 9weeker, and volunteers himself at the Park. we're a bit of a mixed up lot, i'm aware.
i was the first one there, so i helped Phil and Adria cook some delicious dinner. Phil's friend from his work was there, Gerry, with his girlfriend (slash the mother of his child), Kristina. i loved them, ahaha. they were so cute. they live in Scarborough and they kept using it as an excuse for being so amazed by us "country" folk with our provincial parks and our campfires and our "wicked awesome" jobs. Jen wasn't there 'cause she and Andrew were doing an evening campfire program at Bronte. after i got there, next was Jess and her boyfriend Drew. he's a nice guy, but he was all shy and i kinda felt bad for him, haha. luckily i got to talk to him a bit more on the way home. then Meghan came, then Kelly. Aaron and Nick and Jessica and Alex all declined the invitation for various reasons, but the only ones we really missed were Aaron and Nick, haha, does that make us bad people? 
anyway, dinner was amazing. guacamole and beans/rice, grilled chicken, salad, etc. Phil has his own garden at the house and used all his own vegetables. crazy-impressive. Adria made us all try this weird Brazilian drink. 42% but fairly okay tasting. you have to drink it with limes and sugar, odd as that may sound. i can't for the life of me remember what it's called. Gerry and Kristina entertained us with a few non-work-related tales, but mostly they listened to all of us talk and were amazed by the kind of stuff we do. for being the "outsiders" at a party, they fit in pretty well. great thing is, Jess, Kelly, Meghan and i get along just as well outside work as during it, and we had a ton of fun. eventually, Andrew and Jen joined us. Andrew brought his girlfriend Vicki (who worked at the park last year too) and his "hetero partner for life", Kip. they had fun at the campfire and i was a bit jealous. they actually came still in their lumberjack costumes, it was pretty brilliant.
for dessert we ate my fruit salad along with this cake-esque stuff that Kristina made, which tasted amazing. we eventually got to talking (as all new people do) about backgrounds and heritage. Gerry was all, "Guess where I'm from, guess where!" and no one got it right. he looked like he could be part Inuit/Spanish/Japanese/Brazilian/whatever. in reality, he was Guatamalan, haha. as for Kristina, i guessed right away that she was Eastern European and she was totally surprised. "How could you tell?!" she asked. "Oh, I can tell," I said. "Once you've been around enough of them, it becomes easy." and she had to laugh. then she shared that her dessert was from some Yugoslavian recipe and i had to ask which region of Yugoslavia she was from. and... of course... of all nations.... she's Serbian. it was hilarious. then we got into a whole conversation about the not-so-inclusive nature of Serbians, and the Toronto protests against Kosovo which she also went to. it was amusing, i'm not going to lie.
around 11 we all went out to the campfire at the back of the property. did i mention that they live up where Graeme's parents do? in fact, Graeme's parents live in Phil and Jen's grandfather's old house! nice place. and mmm, campfire. i loved it. we all had our chairs pulled up and were talking and laughing for the next hour or so. see, it's one thing to show up to work tired/hungover, but it's another thing entirely to show up to work tired/hungover because of a work party, haha. the original plan was for everyone to sleep over in tents, but 'cause it was all damp outside we opted not to. maybe next time, and then we can all head in to work together, haha.
Jess's shift starts earlier than mine tomorrow, so we went home when she was tired. Drew was kind enough to drive me too, and we had a nice little ride. now it's time for bed! i kinda sorta told David and Jordan i'd do something with them tomorrow, but i think i'll cancel our non-plans and see Viv. it's been too long for her and i and we have much(!) to discuss. and after that - for the next little while my mind and life will be preoccupied by the other Rudolphs! love yous!